Can't Tell Me Nothin'

The only thing I do not like about having recently graduated college is that EVERYONE seems to have in their minds what I should do with MY life.

"Get a job doing so-and-so, it's the best way to start off, and at least you'll be building your resume.."

"Apply for that job! I know it's not what you want to do - but it pays good!"

"You should start off in sales. No one can go directly into marketing without having been in sales first."

Um. Excuse me?

 I didn't work my butt off for 4 years to be miserable and have a job I do not enjoy. And as for saying I CAN'T get a job in marketing straight off. Can't? Sorry, the word is not in my vocabulary. Not to mention, I have never let anyone else dictate what I am able to accomplish.
I had people try to tell me what I was capable of my whole life and I proved every single one of them wrong.
So I have no problem proving these people wrong who think they can plan out my future for me better than I can.

So, I will just continually pray about the next step.
All other people - back off. God and I have got this on lock.

2011 A Year in Review

Graduation went amazingly well. I had a blast with my friends and family =)
So there's only two more weeks of this year, which is absolutely insane to think about. This year has flown by and has been quite possibly the best year yet! My senior year of college was a memorable one and I met some of the most amazing people that I can now call friends, and made some amazing memories. So I think the best way to go about this is to post pictures from the year, starting in January and working my way through. So... here goes!

                     The ice/snow that hit in early January. This was taken January 10th

Saint Patrick's Day at Buffalos, March 28  =)

Lauren & Emmy coming to  visit from Cali <3 Also in March

80's Day during Truett's Grill Customer Appreciation Week - April

Mother's Day - May

Cousin Andrew's Wedding - May

Happy 22nd Birthday To Me! - August

Sweet Summertime in Savannah - September

The Fair - October

Thursday Nights with The Guys - October

Thanksgiving with the Family! - November

UGA Graduation - December

The Anticipation is Killing Me

Three days until graduation. YIKES!
I am so excited but I am also a complete nervous wreck about getting everything together. Making sure my outfit is ready, and practicing how I'm doing my hair. Making sure everyone knows how to get to the campus before Thursday so my phone isn't blowing up WHILE I'm doing my hair/make-up Thursday morning.  AHHH!!
*pulls hair out*

On the bright side, I have gotten a ridiculous amount of stuff done around the house though now that I actually have time to do stuff other than working/studying/sleeping. I have also had more time to dedicate to my music which has been wonderful, to say the least. If you haven't already - PLEASE check out my Youtube Channel. I have recently added some new videos, but I have some of my older stuff on there too.

http://www.youtube.com/user/andmusicwasmyrefuge/videos

This is the First Day of my Life

Day 1 of no longer being a student.
So far - so good. I had a good day at work, and then a fun afternoon in Fayetteville.

What am I looking forward to?

• Starting a career
• Having more time for ME
• Having more time to make music and record more
• Having more time to get back in shape

There's nothing quite like that feeling of knowing you're exactly where you are supposed to be in life. A few weeks ago I was intimidated by graduation and scared of its arrival, but now I am welcoming the new chapter with open arms. I'm excited about this uncertainty, for once in my life.

2 All Mah Haterz!

 

So if you know me at all you know that I'm not your average gal. I am weird and quirky. If you ask me if I wanna go get mani/pedi's I'll probably say no. If you say "You'd look so pretty if you did your make up like this..." that I'm not gonna wear make-up any more often or any differently. And if you say "You'd look so pretty without glasses," that I'm still no closer to getting contacts.

And you know why? Because I've learned that you will NEVER be able to please everybody. So I don't try, especially since I am 100% happy with myself.

About six years ago I could not have said that though. As you can imagine I was the girl everyone picked on in middle school/high school. I was not popular.  I was not pretty.  I played flute in the band and was not on the cheerleading team. I was taken advantage of because I was smart and at the top of my class.
And people said some awful things to me on a daily basis. I can remember exactly what classroom I was in when most of them where said.. or where I was standing in the lunch line.. [Yes, bullying has that profound of an impact].

But where are these mean individuals now? I have no idea. And that's probably because they never amounted to anything in their lives.

And where am I?

I live on my own. I take care of MYSELF. I provide for MYSELF. And with those "brains" and "smarts" that were so "UNCOOL" I will have a degree from one of the BEST business schools in the NATION in 8 days.

And at the risk of being indelicate, I am trying very hard to censor what I really want to say.

So I'll edit it.

Dear EVERYONE WHO EVER MADE FUN OF ME,
STICK MY TERRY COLLEGE OF BUSINESS DEGREE AND MY JOB AND MY WONDERFUL AMAZING LIFE WITH THE BEST FRIENDS I COULD EVER ASK FOR IN YOUR JUICE BOX AND SUCK IT.

Is This Really The End?

The end of one chapter.
The beginning of another.
Somewhere along the lines they blur into this haze of confusion and bittersweet memories.

Today was my last day of classes. A week from today are my finals (which I have already begun studying for, and I will not cease studying until next Thursday). Two weeks from today I will be graduating.

These past four years have FLOWN by. So all you freshman and sophomores praying for school to end - please stop and enjoy it. You will want all those days back, you will wish you had enjoyed them more.

I have made the most amazing memories. Met the most amazing people. Been blessed with some wonderful opportunities, and have achieved some awesome accomplishments. I would not have done it any differently. I just wish it had gone by a lot slower.


Love,
The [Almost] College Grad

Thanksgiving

With the holiday being a mere 3 days away I am taking some time to reflect on the many things in life I have to be thankful for. So here goes a ranting, stream-of-consciousness type list.

God. His many blessings. My parents. My Dad's eyesight.  Having a roof over my head. Having a job that keeps said roof over my head and food on my plate.  Awesome co-workers/mangers.
The HOPE scholarship for getting me through 4 years of college. Tabby - the best roommate and best friend anyone could ever ask for. Amanda - for the fact that everytime we hang out, no matter how long it has been, that it feels like the good ole days.  The magical Internet. Especially stumbleupon.com (even though my GPA would probably be higher if it didn't exist). Justin - for being there for me through thick and thin, despite being miles apart for half our relationship.   My professors for pushing me to my limits and helping me realize that I can do anything I put my mind to. Particularly Alan Wolk and Perry Buffington. MUSIC.   Damien Rice & Lisa Hannigan. Eden. Hayden - for introducing me to Eden, a myriad of awesome music, and for being one of my best friends.  Athens, Ga for being the place I made some of my best college memories. Jake - for always reminding me that tomorrow is another day and that no matter what I am going through - I will be alright.  Lauren - for working with me to maintain our friendship even though we're on opposite ends of the country. 

The House That Built Me

It's always nice going back to Forsyth to visit my family. I know to most people Griffin is not a "big city" by any means, but to me it kinda is.
I can't tell you how nice it was last night to be at my Grandma's, sitting in her back yard, and to actually be able to see the night sky without streetlights galore dimming the stars.
And to drive to my parents house down winding back-roads lined nothing but trees as far as you can see. It's definitely worth not having internet at their house.


But now I'm back home in Griffin. Holding down the fort alone, since Tabby is out of town for work. It's always nice to be able to sleep in your own bed though, that's something to look forward to tonight.

Love is Destruction

It's like you're screaming and no one can hear.
You almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing.
No one will ever understand how much it hurts.
You feel hopeless.
Like nothing can save you.
And when it's over.. and it's gone.. you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, so you could have the good.

I Love October

There is no other way to put this besides October has officially become my favorite month. I have had SO much fun this month.

The fair.
    Going out every Thursday [and most Fridays].
        Dancing in parking lots.
            Roasting marshmallows.
                 Watching scary movies and covering my face through most of them.
             
And the things I have to look forward to?
      Carving pumpkins
         Decorating
            Halloween parties out the wazoo

All-in-all, I am completely living up my last 2 months as a college kid. And I'm loving every minute of it.

The World I Know..

The news is depressing. This is probably not new information to anyone who has sat down and watched it recently. The government cutting programs for senior citizens who are in need, Wall Street protesters, and continued civil unrest throughout the rest of the world.

I can't help but feel emotionally spent. Ever since I was little I have always been so empathetic and sympathetic that it often takes a toll on me, mentally and physically. I'm sure it's a good thing to some extent, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be emotionally detached. To be able to not cry at other peoples' hardships, or hear upsetting news without falling apart.

"Suck it up.."   I try to. I honestly do.

Spiritual Gifts

I am a strong believer that every talent and ability that we have was given to us by God in order that we may better serve him. However, I must admit that I find myself mostly making music for myself, and singing songs that have nothing to do with the glory of God.  Now, I don't think it is "wrong" by any stretch of the imagination to learn songs and sing songs that are not specifically Christian so-to-speak. BUT I do think that credit needs to be given to God for our talents and gifts on a daily basis though, because if it was not for Him - we would not be able to do any of the things we can do.

At church on Sunday I heard a song by Natalie Grant called "Your Great Name" that I really liked. It speaks of how simply through God being God, people's lives are changed.  So, amidst all of my cover songs of Pearl Jam, Rosi Golan, and RHCP - I had added this to my repertoire.

I've Got a Gypsy Soul to Blame...

I woke up and immediately got online and started searching for flight/hotel packages to NYC. Maybe it's the change in the weather? Maybe it's the realization that next week is midterm and I'm halfway done with my last semester of college. Or maybe it's just that desire deep down that I've always had to want to see what the world has to offer. NYC is so fast-paced and modern, I think it would be an interesting and enlightening place to visit one day.

A 5-day trip is $600, including flight and hotel. Not bad, eh? My travel bucket list includes: NYC, California, Seattle, New Zealand, Italy, and Ireland. I have an aching within me to know what the rest of the country and the world is like. Once I have a legitimately awesome big-girl job and have paid off my student loan, I will begin saving up money to begin my travels. Until then, I will continue to write hopeful blogs about it.

Transparency

Above  is "Black" by Pearl Jam. It is a black screen because I make crazy faces when I play guitar. Recorded August 5, 2011

Above is "Hazy" by Rosi Golan. Pandora introduced me to it and I fell in love.  Recorded yesterday.

Above is "And Then You" by Greg Laswell. This is such a sweet and emotional song. Sorry for not-so-pretty face of concentration

One of the many definitions of the word "transparent" is - Open to public scrutiny.
I find it necessary to put that definition in this blog because of what I am posting. If any of you are fellow musicians you understand how hard it is to open up and let people hear your music. When you play and/or sing for somebody you are completely vulnerable in that moment.  You are opening up your soul and showing them the depths of your emotions and it is VERY hard to do.  If you have negative comments please keep them to yourselves because, like I said, this is a huge step for me.

Autumn is...

• Cooler weather
• Cardigans
• The fair, and therefore - the Ferris wheel
• Boots
• Cider and cinnamon dolce cappuccino
• Halloween
• College football

I love this season and all that it brings. It is beautiful beyond compare. Autumn evokes such wonderful feelings within me, partially reminiscent and partially wondering what this year will bring. It always goes by so much quicker than summer, which is a shame. 

If my thoughts weren't so jumbled up in my head, I think I could write a song today.  Of course, that is pretty much the case everyday. 

Jen Wood understands.

  [Im still beyond frustrated that no one has tabs/chords for her songs anywhere online]

Random Acts of Kindness

It's been another one of those days when I realize how absolutely magnificent and strange life is.

I went into work hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. Instead of being confronted by difficult customers, I was able to see and interact with truly phenomenal individuals.

There is this one man whose wife recently passed away. It was my first time seeing him since it happened, and it was a heartbreaking experience. He still wears his wedding band. He paid for the meal of a young mother who was in the restaurant with her son, who was around 6 years old, and was handicapped. This mother was so patient and loving to her son, even though I know on a daily basis she is fighting a battle that takes an unimaginable amount of strength. It absolutely touched my heart.

I had another customer pay for the meal of two police officers. It's the second or third time she has done it, and she always insists that I not tell the officers who did it.

In the midst of a world that is falling apart and is inhabited by so many corrupt and mean individuals, there are still those who find joy in simply brightening someone else's day.

Things like that make me realize that no matter what I am going through, whether it be physical anguish or anxiety, that everything is going to be okay.

Brighter Horizons

I am finally feeling better. Still not 100% back to myself, due to antibiotic-induced nausea, but I am getting there. Slowly but surely.

Today was my first day back at school and it went very well. Minus the fact that we covered so much material today and I'm not sure I understand isotopes and radioactivity or whatever that last concept was called. And I still can't figure out electron configurations based on what block an element is in on the periodic table.

I have three papers due for Human Sexuality this Thursday, and two of them are done. The third is open in a word document right now - complete with a heading, an introduction paragraph, and nothing else.

Oh! I have auburn hair now! That's pretty exciting. I had not dyed my hair in just over a year and it was time for a change. I think it's a good look for fall, not to mention it compliments my fair skin quite nicely.

So yeah.. I don't have any deep, thoughtful, or otherwise meaningful things to add today. This served more as a forum for a life update. Sorry, won't let you down next time bloggy-poo.

I've Got Friends in Low Places

So, the past week has pretty much consisted of me being plagued by illness. First, an upper respiratory infection - and as of yesterday, a kidney infection.  "When it rains it pours.."

Needless to say, sitting at home in bed all day is not my cup of tea and has definitely been slightly miserable. It is a beautiful weekend, and the cool weather has made an appearance again.  I want to be outside enjoying it. Alas... I must rest, rest, rest - per the doctors orders, as well as my parents (who I am currently staying with as I get well). 

One good thing that has come of all this is the realization that I could not ask for a better group of friends.  Yesterday when the first pains from my kidney infection hit me, my co-workers were right by my side helping me and doing all they could.  My managers have been BEYOND understanding, especially considering that I have had to miss multiple days of work which I know has not left them in best of situations being short a person.  My best friends have been there for me in every way possible, whether it be taking me to the doctor, taking me to pick up my prescriptions, or just keeping me company while I have been stuck at home (and not judging me for being a complete mess).

Thanks to every single one of you, for being the amazing individuals that you are. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

Hopefully I will be 100% myself again very soon.

A Sexual Revolution

So, in my Human Sexuality class I have to write a two page paper on what I think the world would be like if we experienced a sexual revolution.


According to Wikipedia, a sexual revolution can be described as, "a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships."
And the more I think about it, the more I wonder why the word "if" was interjected into the description of my assignment.
"What would the world be like IF we experienced a sexual revolution?"


If?! As it is now, the harsh reality is that one day when I have children going into high school I will be telling them, "Honey, when I was your age all the kids wore different colored jelly bracelets and each color meant something different."  


The sad thing is, they will probably laugh at me because this will be mild in comparison to whatever is going on in those times.
Oh well, just thought I'd share as I am sitting here brainstorming ideas for my paper.

I'd Rather Be Making Music...

Words can not describe how much I would enjoy playing guitar right now.. but here I am... working on abnormal psychology homework and second-guessing myself a million times on the answer to this one chemistry problem.
And it's the second week in September. Where in heaven's name is the time going?! I want every                 second I can in order to enjoy my time with my friends and family. Instead, it's all being devoted to school.


 Dear Time, Could you PLEASE slow down?


I think I'm drowning my "sorrows" in orange sherbet push pops. Woe is me, and my waistline.

It's the Little Things....

I ran across this list of life's "natural highs" and it made me smile.  Mostly because every single one of them is true. Emotions are funny things, and the way the human brain functions is simply phenomenal.  Life is a mixture of stimuli and responses.  Some things make you happy, some make you angry, and some give you that crazy feeling of butterflies in your stomach.

The latter has got to be the most interesting of emotions in my opinion. I find it mind-blowing how your brain reacts to situations and causes a physical response. Now, I know we were all taught in English 1101 that Wikipedia is not a reliable source.  However, for the purpose of this blog I have chosen to include a quote:

"Butterflies in the stomach is a phenomenon characterized by the physical sensation of a "fluttery" feeling in the stomach. This sensation can be a physical sensation related to the body's fight or flight response or it can be an ineffable experience related to the psychology of excitement.

Some believe that this is caused by the release of adrenaline when one is nervous, which pulls blood away from the stomach and sends it to the muscles. This reduced blood flow, in turn, causes the stomach to temporarily shut down, and is possibly the reason for reduced appetite during love sickness," (www.wikipedia.org).

Maybe I'm the only one who finds this sort of thing fascinating.. nonetheless, I felt like sharing.

Running on Empty

For two days now I have been a victim to the malicious disease known as insomnia, coupled with caffeine withdrawals. No bueno.. Lots of mental anguish has been the result.

I feel slightly bipolar in my emotions lately, so I apologize for any inconsistencies in my blog postings [or my personality for that matter].  I know my previous posts were very optimistic. However, I'm on a pendulum swinging from the highest highs to the lowest lows.

What in the world is wrong with me? Why can't I just calm down, take in all in stride, and be in my typical "Everything will work itself out" mindset?!? 


Hopefully I will be out of this funk as soon as I am in a routine for my new work and school schedule.  Until then, I will rely on my savior (vitamin B12) to keep me going!


This was not very insightful or thought provoking, and I apologize for that.  Sometimes we just need an outlet for our frustrations.

A Work in Progress

In a mere five days I will commence the first day of my last semester of my undergraduate career. Holy moley!

Rewind to August 13, 2007 - I was sitting on a bench in the Academic Building at Gordon waiting on English 1101 to start. Still living in the city I grew up in with my parents.

Fast forward to August 11, 2011 - I am sitting in my bed at my house in Griffin. Trying to master a B minor chord on my acoustic guitar [Darn my tiny hands].  I honestly can not describe the extend to which I have changed.  I am much more confident and was finally able to build up my self-esteem over the past four years.  It has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, but I would not change anything if I could go back. Griffin has introduced me to the most wonderful friends (many of which I am lucky enough to call my co-workers) I could ever ask for! Each and every once of them has been such an influence on my life and on my college experience.  


December 16th, 2011 - The date of my graduation (assuming everything goes well!) Who knows what life will bring after that.  Maybe I'll still be in Griffin for a while, or maybe I'll be moving off to another new city to start an exciting new chapter in life.


Whatever life may bring - I am ready for it.

Dear Anthony Kiedis,

Surprise, surprise - another late night lying awake listening to the voice of Mr. Kiedis.  Let me say, first and foremost, that my desperate liking of this man is not physically based.  It is purely musical.  I have never heard an individual sing with so much passion and pure emotion.  It makes my soul ache.

It should not be shocking that I am passionate about RHCP, considering the little tagline of this blog is a lyric from "Scar Tissue", but sometimes I feel the need to elaborate on things.

Well, I know this has been slightly incoherent, but the point was to confess my love for RHCP.  So, there it is.


Love,
Your #1 Fan

P.S Thanks for the fact that you are releasing your new album a week after my 22nd birthday =) It's the second best birthday present I could ever ask for.  The first being hiring John back as guitarist.

Perspective

Next time you find yourself freaking out, as I often do, take the time to realize how minute everything is.  Stressful things are a temporary blip in life.  I always say "It is what it is" in order to help myself get through the day.  

Remember back, five or ten years ago, and think of the things that you thought were going to be the end of the world.  They didn't matter in the end, did they?  Do not waste precious time fretting over things that will not matter down the road.  Things will work themselves out.  

Life is very short, and every second should be fully enjoyed.